19 Sep Painful Periods and the Need to Settle into a Feeling State
I woke up feeling amazing today. I was excited to get up and go out for a morning walk with Hugo. As I was walking I could feel the cramps begin to penetrate through my uterus. I rushed back to the house, feeling the cramps and my impending period begin to radically alter my entire state of being. Within an hour I was in the worst pain in my life, sitting on the toilet while becoming violently ill. A cold sweat emanated across my body. My legs felt numb. I was experiencing acute uterine menstrual cramps. This is one of the worst feelings I have ever experienced. It is debilitating and leaves you vulnerable. In the past, I have experienced this while I was teaching a yoga class. I had to abruptly end the class and fled to the washroom, I was stuck in there until someone came to pick me up because the pain was so surreal my extremities felt numb and I was extremely disoriented. Luckily this time it happened my sister was visiting and she gave me a cold facecloth to put over my neck, gave me a glass of water, and set out to get a hot water bottle.
Since I stopped taking birth control I have eventually come back to this painful experience of mensuration that I had pre-birth control. It has been interesting to witness the changes in my body as I allow it to come to it’s natural state. Although I don’t get regular periods I know when they are coming, I can feel all of the signs. For me, I become out of breath more easily in the days leading up to my period, I also require more rest. Sometimes I start to get cramps a day before my period starts or a mild headache. I have been using the MoonDial app for tracking my period for the past three years and have noticed that I have an irregular, regular cycle. During the summer months my cycle is between 20-35 days, in the fall and early winter, it lengthens to 36-50 days, and in the winter and spring it continues to lengthen to 80-86 days. Having something to track this and become aware of my own bodies’ natural cycle has been very helpful because I know what is normal for me.
Having painful periods is consuming, it requires my full attention to tune into my feeling body because there is no space for thoughts. As I felt into my body it, was screaming for me to pull deeper into myself. During this time I was purging; cleansing myself mentally, physically, and spiritually. As I reflect on this experience I can’t help but think that my deep rooted fear of childbirth has created this physical ailment. After all, thoughts become things. Endometriosis is likely the physical condition manifesting in my body. It is marked by pain, particularly during menstruation and it can lead to infertility.
The Medical Teachings Continued states, “The seasonal cycle of transformation begins with the wood phase. In the body, therefore, the process of germinating and nurturing the twelve channel systems is initiated by the liver. During the first month of pregnancy, for instance, a woman’s fetus is nourished by her jueyin liver network. The liver, therefore, marks the beginning of cyclical action, the stirring of spring yang which all living things rely upon as a catalyst for their growth,” (Yu Bian).
Not surprisingly, these serious symptoms revolving around the time of menstruation can also be attributed to an out of balance liver, which is related to all of the other physical ailments I have experienced (high cholesterol, joint problems, teeth grinding, waking up feeling restless, feeling stuck in life, and poor vision).
As an intuitive wellness coach, I don’t want to go back on an artificial hormonal replacement to numb this unpleasant sensation. I believe all unpleasant sensations are seeking your attention to tune into your body and learn from it, as opposed to covering up the symptom and leaving them unacknowledged. I believe it’s time for me to make peace with this aspect of myself that is so afraid of embracing motherhood. This is a crucial step to connecting and embodying the divine feminine within. I’m excited to witness what will come as a result.